I used to share parts of my personal life here, mostly by adding photographies. When it comes to writing, I usually find it difficult to uncover my thoughts and feelings, that is why I prefer hints and suggestions to clear sentences, revealing things happening in my life. I don't know if what I write today changes anything, but even now I'm choosing a foreing language as it is easier for me. It has always been. My own language somehow causes me a trouble to be honest and I don't know why.
It is tough, but tough things happen all the time, so I wonder why I would ever demand being an exception? Clearly I am not. If you hope for a happy ever after, but constantly you crash upon everyday life; you wish to talk and make things work again, but every time you try, it seems you hit a diamond rock without a hope in hell to break the tiniest sliver - what should you do? Should you give up and accept this settled rhythm of passing days, this weird harmony, that gives you a false feeling of a happy life you dreamed of? Or should you choose to turn everything upside down, not knowing where it could lead to?
But you are afraid and confused, so weeks slowly pass and nothing happens. And you ask yourself: what must occur to finally wake me up? And then, completely unexpectedly, it just happens, and it hits you so strong, you can no longer ignore it. Suddenly you know exactly, what you should do, although, as always, you still have some huge doubts and still you are very much afraid. And then there comes the hardest night you've ever suffered, sleepless, when you lie in your bed feeling a fear paralysing your whole body and when there is nothing left to do but prey. The power of a prayer is beyond reason and beyond words. When another dawn breaks, after a terrible struggle inside of you, you stop thinking and analysing, you just feel and it gives you a great strenght to turn everything upside down, not knowing where it could lead to. And this very moment you win your life again - although you don't feel it at all. But you will, all you need is patience and time.
Everything I tried to describe happened last year and all I want to say is: it is the people you should turn to; it is the people, that make things happen and give you the strenght to fight. I'm clearly the lucky one, surrounded by true family and friends, ready to be there for me when I really need it. To my family and friends (especially Madzia, Jowita and Rafał, Ala and Michał, Karolina, Justyna, Basia - the order here doesn't matter!): I'm so grateful I will never be able to put it into words. I also would not decide to write my story here if I didn't have a feeling that someday it might help somebody finding themselves at a crossroads. It is absolutely worth choosing a more difficult path even when it might seem shady and narrow. Eventually this path will lead to some place more beautiful than you could ever imagine, perhaps a glen with a view of high mountains in the distance? (perfect for me :)).
"Winter is over,
summer is near
and we are stronger than we believed!"